[ Rafa nods at first. He's still watching Adam. He's killed men in the time it's taking for that laptop to boot up, but he senses it was pique Adam's ire to mention that.
So instead, he drops his head back against the wall. ]
[ Rafa lifts an eyebrow, eyes staying resolutely on Adam's face. He's counting the freckles again. An impossible task. He'd thought so before, and it still doesn't stop him trying. ]
[ His jaw clenches, his gaze slides away. But there's no way to answer him and not have it be honest. ]
Because I needed to make it on my own.
[ Gansey comes over so often and tells him a place at Monmouth is still available, that he can come any day. But if Adam refused when his face was a map of bruises he can refuse now. ]
[ His shoulders hunch and his fingers move like scattered birds across the keyboard to type in his password. He doesn't look at Rafa. ]
I just want to have what I've worked for. Nothing more. [ Except he might work himself into the grave instead, with his three jobs and desire to pass everything in his classes with flying colours. ]
That car doesn't belong to me. I haven't done anything for it.
[ Rafa's eyes stay closed. His fingers tick against his lap. Adam's scent strengthens the longer they're here. It overpowers everything else, even the scent of death. He smells warm and human, despite the hint of magic. Rafa can hear the pulse of his blood, and imagines it moving that freckle. ]
I took what you worked for.
[ He takes a breath, and one eye opens just a fraction. Enough to see how Adam takes this. ]
It is not terrible to want for more. But I understand. You do not like to make things easy on yourself.
[ He glances over and catches the lazy but curious way he's being eyed. His face flushes. ] You're not from Henrietta. This town is full of people who get what they want because they were born in a certain place. I just want to prove that I can do it myself.
[ That he doesn't need handouts. Which is why he boots up Craigslist. ] Are you just going to lay there? [ Does he have to bring the laptop over. ]
The whole world is full of people like that. Where I am from, the opposite was true.
[ He waits, relaxing, and listening to Adam's keystrokes. They make a strange rhythm when combined with his heartbeat. It's almost soothing. But then Rafa always was soothed by the sound of a heart. The question opens his eyes again, and this time he smiles. ]
Unless you want me in your lap. [ He sounds like he means that, and he lifts an eyebrow. ] You only have to ask.
[ Heat floods his face again and he has to turn to the screen to avoid looking at Rafa. Though his ears are quite bright with embarrassment. ]
Jesus. [ He clicks and types again until he can find the post he bookmarked, a beaten old car that looks even worse than the one Rafa stole ... at least it's not a bicycle this time. ] Here. Come look at this.
[ Rafa watches that flush with a grin. He had Adam right. He's innocent, all right. And easy to tease.
He lets his eyes close again, until finally he's called to see what he came here to see. With a sigh, Rafa unfurls from the bed and comes over to lean over Adam's shoulder. The car on screen looks like it will fall apart the moment anyone drives it, and he looks at Adam askance. ]
You are not serious. That would not even need my help to go on fire.
[ Rafa is so close now that Adam can almost feel him and the curious wrongness he excudes. Where he expects human heat there is nothing but a chill and he has to hold in check his shiver. ]
[ When the car had been on fire. Though in fairness, Adam hadn't known that at the time.
Rafa crouches beside him, still looking at the screen. He reaches over Adam's hands to skate his fingers across the mousepad, zooming in the image. He bites his lip, and glances up at the boy. ]
You think you could fix it? It is worse than what I took, and I meant to give you better.
[ He can't exactly put space between him and Rafa without moving his chair away from the desk so instead he stares resolutely forward even as he's looked at. ]
That's not how this works. You can't show up with a car that costs three times my tuition. [ And he knows just how expensive that is. ]
[ His shoulders remain strained but there's less of an air of tension to him when Rafa moves away. ]
I'm in high school, dude. College is next year. [ There's an air of duh about his tone, his eyebrows meeting in the middle in the dark of his screen. ]
[ High school? Rafa looks up with interest. He doesn't look much older than Adam, but even when he had been that age, he'd never attended school. His learning had come from elsewhere. ]
And high school is expensive? I thought all were supposed to attend.
[ That was true, wasn't it? His knowledge of human affairs was often surface-level, but he thought that was how it worked. Perhaps he was wrong, and they were more difficult about it than they seemed. ]
Aglionby is a private school. [ Adam shifts in his seat, cheap plastic creaking under his weight. People don't often call him up on how easy it would be to just go to the public school, they don't dare with Ronan and Gansey at his side, and since his dad met him in the courtroom they haven't spoke. ]
It's one of the best in the state. Everyone knows that. [ Graduating would give him the edge, make people look passed the born and bred in a trailer park thing. It's the only reason he's here. ]
[ Rafa's shoulder lifts, and his smile is nonchalant. It's almost innocent, but even the best of his acting can't quite convince his face to do that. He turns the phone over in his hands. ]
Everyone local, perhaps. I am not.
[ His accent has a strong Italian hint, even now. He probably could have trained himself out of that, over the years, but he finds it more useful than not. People expect foreigners to be out of touch. That's to his advantage, though his reason for being out of touch has nothing to do with his Italian roots. In truth, he doesn't even live in Italy anymore. ]
But - forgive me. You are an interesting boy, Adam. What you said of wanting only what you have earned, that is sensible. It explains this place.
[ Sparse decoration, meaning little in the way of money. It seems to Rafa that the boy's life would be easier if he went to a less expensive school. That he chooses not to explains something else about him.
He's proud. He wants to be the best, and wants to prove that he's the best. Rafa can identify with that. ]
Why choose that school? What do they offer, that others do not?
[ Adam's voice is dull and void of emotion but when he turns in his chair towards Rafa, his body is all hard lines and stiff jaw. He looks like he's ready for a fight. ]
Take a walk around this town and you can see it. The rich own this place. And they get everything without even trying. The only way I'm going to make it is if I prove it. Studying, working, passing every class with an A. I do that and I have the name of the school at my back. People in DC see Aglionby Academy and they'll see someone who's going places.
[ Freedom. He had once given Shane the same answer, back when Shane was Alex, and Rafa was still human.
Freedom is an ideal. Its reality, therefore, is never what a man, in innocence, imagines it will be.
He nods, all the same. ]
Perhaps they will.
Where is it that you what to go, Adam? What does freedom mean?
[ Freedom from a person, or from a life? Or from this town, in general? Rafa could give those all to him, here and now. Yet he thinks if he offered, Adam would refuse.
Because he would not have earned that gift. Not yet.
Anywhere. Somewhere. [ He doesn't want to be as honest as he is right now but that's a problem when it comes to talking about the future. He gets so full of an impossible energy that he can't help himself. ]
I just want to be someone. And I can do that by working my ass off and making sure I do the best.
[ Rafa shakes his head. He has turned to lean back against the desk now, and his arms have folded across his chest. ]
By being the best. Reward is there for those who seek it. There are better gifts than cars that I could give you.
[ Eternal life. Increased strength, senses, the ability to heal rapidly. All of these things could come from a couple of bites. It would take little more than that. ]
Haven't you figured out I don't want gifts? [ Adam tips his chin up, the arrogance of surety in every inch of his expression. ] I'm not here to let anyone give me a way out. I'm doing it my way or not at all.
[ How many times has he muttered an alteration of those words before? To Gansey, to Ronan, to Blue. He has to. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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So instead, he drops his head back against the wall. ]
You said I could have one question.
Why did you not answer?
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[ He glances over. Rafa looks at home in his bed. It shouldn't upset him that he does. ]
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[ Rafa lifts an eyebrow, eyes staying resolutely on Adam's face. He's counting the freckles again. An impossible task. He'd thought so before, and it still doesn't stop him trying. ]
Why do you live alone?
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Because I needed to make it on my own.
[ Gansey comes over so often and tells him a place at Monmouth is still available, that he can come any day. But if Adam refused when his face was a map of bruises he can refuse now. ]
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God. ]
That is why you refused the car.
[ His voice is soft, understanding blooming in it at last. He even smiles a little, and closes his eyes while he waits. ]
I am sorry. Money makes you uncomfortable.
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I just want to have what I've worked for. Nothing more. [ Except he might work himself into the grave instead, with his three jobs and desire to pass everything in his classes with flying colours. ]
That car doesn't belong to me. I haven't done anything for it.
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I took what you worked for.
[ He takes a breath, and one eye opens just a fraction. Enough to see how Adam takes this. ]
It is not terrible to want for more. But I understand. You do not like to make things easy on yourself.
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[ He glances over and catches the lazy but curious way he's being eyed. His face flushes. ] You're not from Henrietta. This town is full of people who get what they want because they were born in a certain place. I just want to prove that I can do it myself.
[ That he doesn't need handouts. Which is why he boots up Craigslist. ] Are you just going to lay there? [ Does he have to bring the laptop over. ]
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The whole world is full of people like that. Where I am from, the opposite was true.
[ He waits, relaxing, and listening to Adam's keystrokes. They make a strange rhythm when combined with his heartbeat. It's almost soothing. But then Rafa always was soothed by the sound of a heart. The question opens his eyes again, and this time he smiles. ]
Unless you want me in your lap. [ He sounds like he means that, and he lifts an eyebrow. ] You only have to ask.
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[ Heat floods his face again and he has to turn to the screen to avoid looking at Rafa. Though his ears are quite bright with embarrassment. ]
Jesus. [ He clicks and types again until he can find the post he bookmarked, a beaten old car that looks even worse than the one Rafa stole ... at least it's not a bicycle this time. ] Here. Come look at this.
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He lets his eyes close again, until finally he's called to see what he came here to see. With a sigh, Rafa unfurls from the bed and comes over to lean over Adam's shoulder. The car on screen looks like it will fall apart the moment anyone drives it, and he looks at Adam askance. ]
You are not serious. That would not even need my help to go on fire.
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[ Rafa is so close now that Adam can almost feel him and the curious wrongness he excudes. Where he expects human heat there is nothing but a chill and he has to hold in check his shiver. ]
I work at a mechanics. It'd be fine.
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[ When the car had been on fire. Though in fairness, Adam hadn't known that at the time.
Rafa crouches beside him, still looking at the screen. He reaches over Adam's hands to skate his fingers across the mousepad, zooming in the image. He bites his lip, and glances up at the boy. ]
You think you could fix it? It is worse than what I took, and I meant to give you better.
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That's not how this works. You can't show up with a car that costs three times my tuition. [ And he knows just how expensive that is. ]
It's fine. It just needs some care.
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I could show up with a car that costs ten times your tuition. You are the one being difficult about it.
[ He stands, and memorises the address from which the car is being sold. There's a phone number, so he draws out his phone to enter it. ]
What is it that you study?
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[ His shoulders remain strained but there's less of an air of tension to him when Rafa moves away. ]
I'm in high school, dude. College is next year. [ There's an air of duh about his tone, his eyebrows meeting in the middle in the dark of his screen. ]
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And high school is expensive? I thought all were supposed to attend.
[ That was true, wasn't it? His knowledge of human affairs was often surface-level, but he thought that was how it worked. Perhaps he was wrong, and they were more difficult about it than they seemed. ]
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It's one of the best in the state. Everyone knows that. [ Graduating would give him the edge, make people look passed the born and bred in a trailer park thing. It's the only reason he's here. ]
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Everyone local, perhaps. I am not.
[ His accent has a strong Italian hint, even now. He probably could have trained himself out of that, over the years, but he finds it more useful than not. People expect foreigners to be out of touch. That's to his advantage, though his reason for being out of touch has nothing to do with his Italian roots. In truth, he doesn't even live in Italy anymore. ]
But - forgive me. You are an interesting boy, Adam. What you said of wanting only what you have earned, that is sensible. It explains this place.
[ Sparse decoration, meaning little in the way of money. It seems to Rafa that the boy's life would be easier if he went to a less expensive school. That he chooses not to explains something else about him.
He's proud. He wants to be the best, and wants to prove that he's the best. Rafa can identify with that. ]
Why choose that school? What do they offer, that others do not?
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[ Adam's voice is dull and void of emotion but when he turns in his chair towards Rafa, his body is all hard lines and stiff jaw. He looks like he's ready for a fight. ]
Take a walk around this town and you can see it. The rich own this place. And they get everything without even trying. The only way I'm going to make it is if I prove it. Studying, working, passing every class with an A. I do that and I have the name of the school at my back. People in DC see Aglionby Academy and they'll see someone who's going places.
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Freedom is an ideal. Its reality, therefore, is never what a man, in innocence, imagines it will be.
He nods, all the same. ]
Perhaps they will.
Where is it that you what to go, Adam? What does freedom mean?
[ Freedom from a person, or from a life? Or from this town, in general? Rafa could give those all to him, here and now. Yet he thinks if he offered, Adam would refuse.
Because he would not have earned that gift. Not yet.
An interesting boy. ]
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Anywhere. Somewhere. [ He doesn't want to be as honest as he is right now but that's a problem when it comes to talking about the future. He gets so full of an impossible energy that he can't help himself. ]
I just want to be someone. And I can do that by working my ass off and making sure I do the best.
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[ Rafa shakes his head. He has turned to lean back against the desk now, and his arms have folded across his chest. ]
By being the best. Reward is there for those who seek it. There are better gifts than cars that I could give you.
[ Eternal life. Increased strength, senses, the ability to heal rapidly. All of these things could come from a couple of bites. It would take little more than that. ]
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Haven't you figured out I don't want gifts? [ Adam tips his chin up, the arrogance of surety in every inch of his expression. ] I'm not here to let anyone give me a way out. I'm doing it my way or not at all.
[ How many times has he muttered an alteration of those words before? To Gansey, to Ronan, to Blue. He has to. ]
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And when someone offers you a job, is this what you will say? When they offer you a place at a college, or a company. When they offer you more money.
Will you refuse? Because you must take the longest and most difficult road there is?
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