[ He can't exactly put space between him and Rafa without moving his chair away from the desk so instead he stares resolutely forward even as he's looked at. ]
That's not how this works. You can't show up with a car that costs three times my tuition. [ And he knows just how expensive that is. ]
[ His shoulders remain strained but there's less of an air of tension to him when Rafa moves away. ]
I'm in high school, dude. College is next year. [ There's an air of duh about his tone, his eyebrows meeting in the middle in the dark of his screen. ]
[ High school? Rafa looks up with interest. He doesn't look much older than Adam, but even when he had been that age, he'd never attended school. His learning had come from elsewhere. ]
And high school is expensive? I thought all were supposed to attend.
[ That was true, wasn't it? His knowledge of human affairs was often surface-level, but he thought that was how it worked. Perhaps he was wrong, and they were more difficult about it than they seemed. ]
Aglionby is a private school. [ Adam shifts in his seat, cheap plastic creaking under his weight. People don't often call him up on how easy it would be to just go to the public school, they don't dare with Ronan and Gansey at his side, and since his dad met him in the courtroom they haven't spoke. ]
It's one of the best in the state. Everyone knows that. [ Graduating would give him the edge, make people look passed the born and bred in a trailer park thing. It's the only reason he's here. ]
[ Rafa's shoulder lifts, and his smile is nonchalant. It's almost innocent, but even the best of his acting can't quite convince his face to do that. He turns the phone over in his hands. ]
Everyone local, perhaps. I am not.
[ His accent has a strong Italian hint, even now. He probably could have trained himself out of that, over the years, but he finds it more useful than not. People expect foreigners to be out of touch. That's to his advantage, though his reason for being out of touch has nothing to do with his Italian roots. In truth, he doesn't even live in Italy anymore. ]
But - forgive me. You are an interesting boy, Adam. What you said of wanting only what you have earned, that is sensible. It explains this place.
[ Sparse decoration, meaning little in the way of money. It seems to Rafa that the boy's life would be easier if he went to a less expensive school. That he chooses not to explains something else about him.
He's proud. He wants to be the best, and wants to prove that he's the best. Rafa can identify with that. ]
Why choose that school? What do they offer, that others do not?
[ Adam's voice is dull and void of emotion but when he turns in his chair towards Rafa, his body is all hard lines and stiff jaw. He looks like he's ready for a fight. ]
Take a walk around this town and you can see it. The rich own this place. And they get everything without even trying. The only way I'm going to make it is if I prove it. Studying, working, passing every class with an A. I do that and I have the name of the school at my back. People in DC see Aglionby Academy and they'll see someone who's going places.
[ Freedom. He had once given Shane the same answer, back when Shane was Alex, and Rafa was still human.
Freedom is an ideal. Its reality, therefore, is never what a man, in innocence, imagines it will be.
He nods, all the same. ]
Perhaps they will.
Where is it that you what to go, Adam? What does freedom mean?
[ Freedom from a person, or from a life? Or from this town, in general? Rafa could give those all to him, here and now. Yet he thinks if he offered, Adam would refuse.
Because he would not have earned that gift. Not yet.
Anywhere. Somewhere. [ He doesn't want to be as honest as he is right now but that's a problem when it comes to talking about the future. He gets so full of an impossible energy that he can't help himself. ]
I just want to be someone. And I can do that by working my ass off and making sure I do the best.
[ Rafa shakes his head. He has turned to lean back against the desk now, and his arms have folded across his chest. ]
By being the best. Reward is there for those who seek it. There are better gifts than cars that I could give you.
[ Eternal life. Increased strength, senses, the ability to heal rapidly. All of these things could come from a couple of bites. It would take little more than that. ]
Haven't you figured out I don't want gifts? [ Adam tips his chin up, the arrogance of surety in every inch of his expression. ] I'm not here to let anyone give me a way out. I'm doing it my way or not at all.
[ How many times has he muttered an alteration of those words before? To Gansey, to Ronan, to Blue. He has to. ]
No. [ His mouth is a line, his fingers digging in to the sides of his hips where they lay against his lap. He can hear an angry rush inside of his deaf ear, his blood boiling presumably. ]
Because getting a job means I'm the best person for it. A place at college means I'm smart enough to have it. A raise means I'm doing the right thing. I didn't make the road difficult, but I'm travelling it.
[ Rafa pushes off the desk. He's warming to his theme, and he can hear the blood rushing in Adam's ears. The boy is growing angry again. He likes that, likes the increased heartbeat and the heat that surges to the surface of the skin. He can feel the temperature rise from here. ]
Getting a job means that they liked you the best. You could be the most qualified man in the room, and they will still promote their son above you. They raise your salary because you please them. Do you understand?
[ He lifts an eyebrow. ]
Honest men do not get ahead. You have to cheat if you expect to win. One day you will know this, even if you do not believe me now.
[ It's something he's told himself before, in the dead of the night where he knows no one can interrupt him. He doesn't have the right blood, the right temperament. And his rags to riches story won't happen because nobody believes in fairytales any more. But to have it laid out in front of him only makes him angrier, the kind of angry he imagines Ronan feels when he goes out at night to street race, the kind that you want to exhume even if it ends in death. ]
That shows what you know.
[ He is Adam Parrish: army of one. He won't let anyone tell him otherwise. ] I don't care about the keeping the norm. I care about breaking it.
[ With surprising speed, Rafa comes close to him again. He leans close, invading Adam's personal space. He puts his hands on the edge of the desk behind Adam, a hand on either side of the boy. Rafa isn't touching him, but if Adam moves forward, he will be. ]
I want you to break it. [ His voice softens, and warms. ] I want you to win. You have the will to. You are so angry, Adam. What makes you so angry? What did life deal you that you hate so very much?
[ His hand comes up as if to push Rafa's arm away. He doesn't like to be boxed in and it shows, his pulse beating hard in his throat and his nerves twitching at his cheek. He hasn't been hit in months but there's still the basic, animal instinct in him to cower away, to hide. Rafa - while supernaturally creepy - hasn't threatened him, hasn't raised his fist, but for a moment all Adam can smell is dry air and the metal tang of the trailer.
It takes him a minute, takes him too long for him to keep his cool but he lifts his gaze and stares straight at the other boy. ]
You don't get to know that. A trashed car doesn't make us friends. I'm not like one of the frat boys who bonds over breaking stuff because it's fun.
[ God, this is intoxicating. The scent of blood. The way it pumps through that artery, the pace of the heartbeat. It's so strong that Rafa's fangs briefly descend, though they're hidden behind his lips. He forces them back, controls his hunger. The darkening of his eyes is harder to hide. His lips part to draw in air, a necessity because Adam's scent is driving him to distraction now.
It would be easy to mistake that expression for lust. It feels much the same to Rafa; hunger and lust are bound very tightly in his mind, not least because he so often bites his prey while he's sleeping with them. He's hungry now. His desire to taste is almost overwhelming.
He remains careful not to touch. He's not sure he could hold himself back, if he did. ]
It was not fun. It was life or death. [ His eyes meet Adam's. There's a line of freckles dotting across one of his cheekbones. It's beautiful enough to feel like a taunt. Rafa wants to guide his fingers over that line. He imagines training his hand down, lifting up Adam's chin, tasting his lips and then moving down, down to that pulsing artery -
Another breath. He must not reveal himself. That would be far too easy, and he still wants the boy to guess. ] I would not have done it if I could have helped it. But I am sorry about your car. I am not sorry that it brought me to you.
[ He doesn't know what to make of the way Rafa is looking at him. It's almost as though he is so certain that to be looked at like that shouldn't be happening to him. In a fit of nervousness he looks away and then clears his throat, his irritation still simmering. ]
Why? [ It's a haughty demand, anything to focus on the moment at hand and keep the flush of his cheeks at bay. This person trashed his car and then brought him a shiny new one like it was nothing. Like that much money could be spent with the click of his fingers. Adam, who sometimes has to choose between gas and eating, can only imagine a life like that. ] Jesus Christ, just get out of my face, man.
[ Rafa said nothing, at first. His eyes kept flicking between Adam's and that artery, and he was desperate to touch the boy's skin. He should have fed before he came here. He knew he should have, but there was a part of him that had wanted this. There was a side of Rafa that loved the feeling of need. That in itself was like a drug.
In the end, he forced himself to push away, and he turned as his fangs extended again. How easy it would be to take the boy now. To pin him, push back his resistance and drink from him. Rafa knew many vampires who would care only for the taste.
He did not. He sought more than that, and it was why he stopped himself now. ]
To speak with you. To know you. I told you why I was here. I have never lied to you. Why don't you believe it could be so simple?
[ He doesn't want to sit in the chair any longer, not when he can be so easily pinned into place. So he rises with a frenetic kind of energy, wishing for the first time that his apartment were larger so that he could pace it properly. ]
If you're looking for someone to talk to I'm sure there's a helpline for that. [ It's skittish and unkind but with Cabeswater calling to him like a mother calling a child away from the road, he can't help it. He feels on edge. He feels dangerous. ]
People don't act like this. They don't steal cars and then insinuate themselves into the owner's life.
[ Far from pinning Adam down again, Rafa’s posture seems to
have relaxed. He goes back to the bed and this time lays back on it,
crossing his ankles and folding his hands comfortably over his
stomach. His eyes slide over Adam. The predatory nature of his look
has not actually abated, but it is more languid and less energised,
now. He’s no longer a cat pouncing on the mouse; he’s letting the
mouse dangle, and watching it shudder. ]
I never claimed to be people. I told you otherwise, I believe. You
know, there is no need to be so skittish.
[ He gestures to the way Adam is moving. He can smell
adrenaline and fear. While that’s amusing, it’s not the scent that
appeals most to Rafa, and it pushes some of his hunger away for
now.
But still. He’s counting the freckles. ]
What are you afraid of? I don’t mean to harm you, surely you realise
that by now.
[ Adam wonders if this is what having a cat must be like. Not one chosen, but the kind that turns up at your door and gets hair all over your stuff and before you know it you're staring at too many kinds of food in the grocery store trying to figure out what would please the little bastard. ]
You told me jack shit. [ The moment he curses his voice changes, moves away from the careful and clipped voice he tries so hard to cultivate to the round and country sound of Henrietta. To him it's a dirty accent, it brings up bleached grass and dust and the heat of metal. He can't ever wash it out. ] You told me you weren't human and you disappeared.
[ He doesn't answer the second thing, just crosses his arms across his chest and tries desperately to calm himself. ]
[ That’s an interesting change. Rafa always likes it when he
makes the controlled ones curse. It means their control is
wavering. He thinks of it as liberating them, which is why he likes
it. He’d been that way with Shane as well, at first. He liked to hear
him swear, liked to see him lustful, because he held himself back from
carnality.
Rafa doesn’t understand the need to hold back from that, from
any of that. Why do people feel such a need to deny themselves the
pleasures in life? It seems to him that it’s almost exclusively a
human failing. It is as though they are afraid to take enjoyment, as
though they feel there is something wrong about answering their
desires. By contrast, Rafa has always sought to answer his.
His fingers play over his stomach, and his eyes raise to watch
Adam though his eyelashes. The corners of his mouth curve
upwards. ]
I told you to guess. [ A minimal correction. His head lilts to
one side. ] And you wanted me to leave. Can you blame me for
obeying your desires? I feel the need. One of us has to.
[ The movements Rafa makes are literally part of the playbook of every hideous porn Ronan has ever made him watch. They're seductive and it makes something prickle at the back of his neck. Adam doesn't know what to do with someone looking at him like that. ]
I don't play games. [ He keeps his gaze very heavily trained just beyond Rafa's shoulder so that he's looking at him but not. ] You're not human, I get that. And you clearly want me to know what you actually are. So just stop being a dick about it and say it. [ This isn't Twilight, Rafa. ] Because I haven't got time for this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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That's not how this works. You can't show up with a car that costs three times my tuition. [ And he knows just how expensive that is. ]
It's fine. It just needs some care.
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I could show up with a car that costs ten times your tuition. You are the one being difficult about it.
[ He stands, and memorises the address from which the car is being sold. There's a phone number, so he draws out his phone to enter it. ]
What is it that you study?
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[ His shoulders remain strained but there's less of an air of tension to him when Rafa moves away. ]
I'm in high school, dude. College is next year. [ There's an air of duh about his tone, his eyebrows meeting in the middle in the dark of his screen. ]
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And high school is expensive? I thought all were supposed to attend.
[ That was true, wasn't it? His knowledge of human affairs was often surface-level, but he thought that was how it worked. Perhaps he was wrong, and they were more difficult about it than they seemed. ]
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It's one of the best in the state. Everyone knows that. [ Graduating would give him the edge, make people look passed the born and bred in a trailer park thing. It's the only reason he's here. ]
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Everyone local, perhaps. I am not.
[ His accent has a strong Italian hint, even now. He probably could have trained himself out of that, over the years, but he finds it more useful than not. People expect foreigners to be out of touch. That's to his advantage, though his reason for being out of touch has nothing to do with his Italian roots. In truth, he doesn't even live in Italy anymore. ]
But - forgive me. You are an interesting boy, Adam. What you said of wanting only what you have earned, that is sensible. It explains this place.
[ Sparse decoration, meaning little in the way of money. It seems to Rafa that the boy's life would be easier if he went to a less expensive school. That he chooses not to explains something else about him.
He's proud. He wants to be the best, and wants to prove that he's the best. Rafa can identify with that. ]
Why choose that school? What do they offer, that others do not?
no subject
[ Adam's voice is dull and void of emotion but when he turns in his chair towards Rafa, his body is all hard lines and stiff jaw. He looks like he's ready for a fight. ]
Take a walk around this town and you can see it. The rich own this place. And they get everything without even trying. The only way I'm going to make it is if I prove it. Studying, working, passing every class with an A. I do that and I have the name of the school at my back. People in DC see Aglionby Academy and they'll see someone who's going places.
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Freedom is an ideal. Its reality, therefore, is never what a man, in innocence, imagines it will be.
He nods, all the same. ]
Perhaps they will.
Where is it that you what to go, Adam? What does freedom mean?
[ Freedom from a person, or from a life? Or from this town, in general? Rafa could give those all to him, here and now. Yet he thinks if he offered, Adam would refuse.
Because he would not have earned that gift. Not yet.
An interesting boy. ]
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Anywhere. Somewhere. [ He doesn't want to be as honest as he is right now but that's a problem when it comes to talking about the future. He gets so full of an impossible energy that he can't help himself. ]
I just want to be someone. And I can do that by working my ass off and making sure I do the best.
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[ Rafa shakes his head. He has turned to lean back against the desk now, and his arms have folded across his chest. ]
By being the best. Reward is there for those who seek it. There are better gifts than cars that I could give you.
[ Eternal life. Increased strength, senses, the ability to heal rapidly. All of these things could come from a couple of bites. It would take little more than that. ]
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Haven't you figured out I don't want gifts? [ Adam tips his chin up, the arrogance of surety in every inch of his expression. ] I'm not here to let anyone give me a way out. I'm doing it my way or not at all.
[ How many times has he muttered an alteration of those words before? To Gansey, to Ronan, to Blue. He has to. ]
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And when someone offers you a job, is this what you will say? When they offer you a place at a college, or a company. When they offer you more money.
Will you refuse? Because you must take the longest and most difficult road there is?
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Because getting a job means I'm the best person for it. A place at college means I'm smart enough to have it. A raise means I'm doing the right thing. I didn't make the road difficult, but I'm travelling it.
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[ Rafa pushes off the desk. He's warming to his theme, and he can hear the blood rushing in Adam's ears. The boy is growing angry again. He likes that, likes the increased heartbeat and the heat that surges to the surface of the skin. He can feel the temperature rise from here. ]
Getting a job means that they liked you the best. You could be the most qualified man in the room, and they will still promote their son above you. They raise your salary because you please them. Do you understand?
[ He lifts an eyebrow. ]
Honest men do not get ahead. You have to cheat if you expect to win. One day you will know this, even if you do not believe me now.
no subject
That shows what you know.
[ He is Adam Parrish: army of one. He won't let anyone tell him otherwise. ] I don't care about the keeping the norm. I care about breaking it.
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I want you to break it. [ His voice softens, and warms. ] I want you to win. You have the will to. You are so angry, Adam. What makes you so angry? What did life deal you that you hate so very much?
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It takes him a minute, takes him too long for him to keep his cool but he lifts his gaze and stares straight at the other boy. ]
You don't get to know that. A trashed car doesn't make us friends. I'm not like one of the frat boys who bonds over breaking stuff because it's fun.
no subject
It would be easy to mistake that expression for lust. It feels much the same to Rafa; hunger and lust are bound very tightly in his mind, not least because he so often bites his prey while he's sleeping with them. He's hungry now. His desire to taste is almost overwhelming.
He remains careful not to touch. He's not sure he could hold himself back, if he did. ]
It was not fun. It was life or death. [ His eyes meet Adam's. There's a line of freckles dotting across one of his cheekbones. It's beautiful enough to feel like a taunt. Rafa wants to guide his fingers over that line. He imagines training his hand down, lifting up Adam's chin, tasting his lips and then moving down, down to that pulsing artery -
Another breath. He must not reveal himself. That would be far too easy, and he still wants the boy to guess. ] I would not have done it if I could have helped it. But I am sorry about your car. I am not sorry that it brought me to you.
no subject
Why? [ It's a haughty demand, anything to focus on the moment at hand and keep the flush of his cheeks at bay. This person trashed his car and then brought him a shiny new one like it was nothing. Like that much money could be spent with the click of his fingers. Adam, who sometimes has to choose between gas and eating, can only imagine a life like that. ] Jesus Christ, just get out of my face, man.
Why are you even still here?
no subject
In the end, he forced himself to push away, and he turned as his fangs extended again. How easy it would be to take the boy now. To pin him, push back his resistance and drink from him. Rafa knew many vampires who would care only for the taste.
He did not. He sought more than that, and it was why he stopped himself now. ]
To speak with you. To know you. I told you why I was here. I have never lied to you. Why don't you believe it could be so simple?
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If you're looking for someone to talk to I'm sure there's a helpline for that. [ It's skittish and unkind but with Cabeswater calling to him like a mother calling a child away from the road, he can't help it. He feels on edge. He feels dangerous. ]
People don't act like this. They don't steal cars and then insinuate themselves into the owner's life.
no subject
[ Far from pinning Adam down again, Rafa’s posture seems to have relaxed. He goes back to the bed and this time lays back on it, crossing his ankles and folding his hands comfortably over his stomach. His eyes slide over Adam. The predatory nature of his look has not actually abated, but it is more languid and less energised, now. He’s no longer a cat pouncing on the mouse; he’s letting the mouse dangle, and watching it shudder. ]
I never claimed to be people. I told you otherwise, I believe. You know, there is no need to be so skittish.
[ He gestures to the way Adam is moving. He can smell adrenaline and fear. While that’s amusing, it’s not the scent that appeals most to Rafa, and it pushes some of his hunger away for now.
But still. He’s counting the freckles. ]
What are you afraid of? I don’t mean to harm you, surely you realise that by now.
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You told me jack shit. [ The moment he curses his voice changes, moves away from the careful and clipped voice he tries so hard to cultivate to the round and country sound of Henrietta. To him it's a dirty accent, it brings up bleached grass and dust and the heat of metal. He can't ever wash it out. ] You told me you weren't human and you disappeared.
[ He doesn't answer the second thing, just crosses his arms across his chest and tries desperately to calm himself. ]
no subject
[ That’s an interesting change. Rafa always likes it when he makes the controlled ones curse. It means their control is wavering. He thinks of it as liberating them, which is why he likes it. He’d been that way with Shane as well, at first. He liked to hear him swear, liked to see him lustful, because he held himself back from carnality.
Rafa doesn’t understand the need to hold back from that, from any of that. Why do people feel such a need to deny themselves the pleasures in life? It seems to him that it’s almost exclusively a human failing. It is as though they are afraid to take enjoyment, as though they feel there is something wrong about answering their desires. By contrast, Rafa has always sought to answer his.
His fingers play over his stomach, and his eyes raise to watch Adam though his eyelashes. The corners of his mouth curve upwards. ]
I told you to guess. [ A minimal correction. His head lilts to one side. ] And you wanted me to leave. Can you blame me for obeying your desires? I feel the need. One of us has to.
no subject
I don't play games. [ He keeps his gaze very heavily trained just beyond Rafa's shoulder so that he's looking at him but not. ] You're not human, I get that. And you clearly want me to know what you actually are. So just stop being a dick about it and say it. [ This isn't Twilight, Rafa. ] Because I haven't got time for this.
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