[Noah didn't blame Adam for thinking that way. Sometimes it was hard to focus on the details, hard to understand what was troubling the others because he was just so separate. But he understood this. He knew Adam hadn't had a lot of good in his life until Gansey and the others came into it. In a way, it had been the same for him. There was a reason he had latched on to these particular Aglionby boys after all.]
You'd leave them behind? Gansey, Blue, Ronan? {It was so easy to to include himself. Sometimes, it felt like he'd get left behind anyway. No matter who did the leaving.]
[ He's quiet for a long moment, his gaze fixed on a point of Noah's shoulder. If he looks hard enough he can see the comforter through him. ]
I don't know. Maybe. [ He's torn between his love for them and his desire to get out. And it's hard, for a boy like Adam, who only knows that urge to escape. Care and comfort hadn't really been so much of a big thing before. ]
[Noah rolled his head to the side, giving Adam the most dead-pan of looks. (No pun intended). Maybe the others didn't see it, what with all of their own problems and personalities being so loud, but quiet, watchful Noah saw it. However it had happened, they were a network, like systems inside the body. If just one thing, one person was missing, everything would fall apart.]
Of course they do. [He's not placating. He means it as fact - as true as the Earth revolving around the sun.]
[ He winces a little at the look he's getting. He knows it isn't fair to act the way he does when everyone else is always so confident in themselves. But Adam's still finding his place, still trying to work out who he is. And he's so good at upsetting them, Blue, Gansey, Ronan, that sometimes it feels like he should just ...
Bow out. ]
Yeah. [ He doesn't really see it. ] I'm great company, huh?
[Noah, who notices quite a lot doesn't think that any of them are as confident as they appear, but he doesn't say so. It almost felt like if he voiced the thought the whole group would slowly cave in on itself, which was the last thing he wanted.]
If you didn't fit then you wouldn't be with them. [Adam could put himself down as much as he liked, but the fact of the matter was that their circle was a small one, a tight one, and fitting into it (or not) came as natural as breathing (or not, in Noah's case.]
[ He knows that. Of course he knows that. Because Gansey could have anyone as his friend, he could charm the birds down from the trees he was that good. And it was still Adam he spoke to, still Adam he wanted around. Even Ronan could force him away and he didn't.
But sometimes it was so easy to think so little of himself. It's all he's ever known.
Still, he swallows it down and looks at Noah, his face still creased in a frown but his voice shifting to neutral. ] What's the plan for tomorrow anyway? I meant to ask Gansey but since you're here.
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You'd leave them behind? Gansey, Blue, Ronan? {It was so easy to to include himself. Sometimes, it felt like he'd get left behind anyway. No matter who did the leaving.]
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I don't know. Maybe. [ He's torn between his love for them and his desire to get out. And it's hard, for a boy like Adam, who only knows that urge to escape. Care and comfort hadn't really been so much of a big thing before. ]
They don't need me anyway. Not really.
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Of course they do. [He's not placating. He means it as fact - as true as the Earth revolving around the sun.]
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Bow out. ]
Yeah. [ He doesn't really see it. ] I'm great company, huh?
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If you didn't fit then you wouldn't be with them. [Adam could put himself down as much as he liked, but the fact of the matter was that their circle was a small one, a tight one, and fitting into it (or not) came as natural as breathing (or not, in Noah's case.]
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But sometimes it was so easy to think so little of himself. It's all he's ever known.
Still, he swallows it down and looks at Noah, his face still creased in a frown but his voice shifting to neutral. ] What's the plan for tomorrow anyway? I meant to ask Gansey but since you're here.